Giving Grace
Giving grace doesn't come easily to me, and honestly I don't see it coming that easily for others either. That's not a judgement to be taken harshly, just an observation of the human behavior. Giving grace is hard because we need people to meet us halfway, to come through in the tough times, to do what they say they will and in the glare of reality that doesn't always happen.
Repeat offenders are hardest for me. I'm generally able to say, "Hey I get where you're coming from in this situation but next time can we get on the same page so I'm not (insert proper sentiment i.e disappointed, confused, let down, hung out to dry)," in the first or second instance. But repeatedly doing it again and again breeds resentment in me that becomes so personal. I will strive to create some frame of reference to work through, but that only lasts me so long before I write you off in the moment when you probably least need me to.
Without really thinking through "giving grace" in this context, about a year ago I tattooed the word grace on the inside of my left forearm. It was originally a reminder to myself that I have been given grace and to not dwell in guilt or shame. Albeit still a great reminder of that fact, as I continue to face guilt everyday (another topic for another time) the true reality of what this ink on my arm means in my day to day has been transformed by the struggle I explained above.
The word in my skin is a constant reminder that to function compassionately and with consistent kindness requires the practice of giving grace... giving it... And giving it again. And waking up the next day when I've been knocked on my metaphorical butt (also my not so metaphorical butt if you know my real life struggles), to rinse and repeat the grace giving practice again.
My goal for this is that giving grace is as much a part of my character and the fabric of my life as it is now bonded to my skin. It's not going anywhere. It's there, an ever present reminder of who I want to be and what I want to offer to the people around me.